I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
