How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
my liver is dry heaving
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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