I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
