Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
