what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
