New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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