I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
