So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
