my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
