I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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