I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize