I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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