It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
