I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
