its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Boobs speak an international language.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
