It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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