Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
