I'm eating all of the evidence.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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