I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
