I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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