Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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