If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
