Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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