Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
