It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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