Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
