Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
