Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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