you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
