I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
