he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
