Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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