Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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