there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
