I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize