Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
