I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
