GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
