You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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