WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
