turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The best revenge is premature balding
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
