Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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