WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
