We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
