i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
