Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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