Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
