This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
