And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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