Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
