I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i came on her dog
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
