he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Too much gin, very little bucket
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think i got beer on your cat.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
