The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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