This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
