you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
