But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
