just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
