SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
