god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
