my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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