i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
