i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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