i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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