come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize