My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
