just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
