He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
