Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
