glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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