the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
