Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
