Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
