There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
