you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
