Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
