i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I need moral support for this bender
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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